Affair Recovery
If you’re trying to recover from a partner’s affair, you’re likely worried that the pain, the distrust and devastation to your relationship will never go away.
The one person who was supposed to have your back has betrayed you. The flood of changing emotions – sadness, anger, fear, hopelessness, self-doubt – feels like a rollercoaster, and you can’t make it stop.
The “videotape in your head” won’t stop playing.
And the triggers are everywhere.
Plus, it’s just so easy to cheat nowadays.
With the Internet and technology, what constitutes an affair is quite complicated nowadays, and spans a rather wide spectrum of behaviors. Texting or “sexting,” emailing with strangers, reuniting with old lovers through social media, and interacting via paid Web cams, are all relatively new forms of infidelity.
But, all forms of cheating have one thing in common: deceit. The lies, secrets and hiding are often the most painful aspect for the betrayed partner.
Atone. Attune. Attach.
I’ve dedicated a large portion of my therapy practice to helping couples heal from the devastation of an affair. It’s hard work, and it requires dedication and commitment to the relationship from both partners. But healing can happen.
I offer a customized therapy program that focuses on the three tasks of affair recovery: atone, attune, and attach (established by the research of Drs. John and Julie Gottman). We will work together to create a program that precisely fits your unique situation.
You both have to move through it.
You’ll need to make extensive repairs to your relationship following an affair.
Trust needs to be rebuilt, brick by brick.
Then you do what’s necessary to restore connection and intimacy.
You’ll need to learn to handle upsets with each other, and turn towards not just each other’s positive emotions, but the negative ones, too.
Finally, a plan needs to be negotiated and put in place to prevent infidelity from ever occurring again.
The goal in this work is ultimately to create a new relationship - one that’s warm, loving, connected, vibrant, fun – and feels safe to both partners.
